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If my dog could talk

June 10, 2015
By Amber Hovey - Staff Writer , Estherville News

If you have a dog or cat or pet, they are likely a big part of your life. They are there through thick and thin, through your wild roller coaster of emotions and even there at those embarrassing moments when you pray no one just saw what you just did.

There are days I wish my dog could talk and others in which I am thankful he doesn't.

To start, let me tell you a little about my dog. His name is Dallas, although I am a die-hard Packers fan, and he is a white Siberian husky. I got him when he was about nine weeks old and I was living in Ames. When I went to the house to pick out a puppy, there were four to choose from, two were white and two were your average looking black and white huskies.

While all were beautiful, it was Dallas who was the most lovable and completely irresistible with his shaggy white fur, bright blue eyes, and his chubby little tummy that seemed to drag along the ground as he ran. Little did I know that bright-eyed little pup would be the cause of so much chaos, stress and love.

For those you do not own a husky, they are high spirited, independent, clever and mischievous dogs who have a tendency to be easily bored, similar to that of a two year old.

Dallas was a Houdini as I liked to call him. Early on, I could not leave him in the house because he would get bored rip any kind of paper he found to shreds as well as drag out my undergarments to the middle of the living room, which I did not understand. I often left him outside but that never seemed to work out so well. It was like he chose his timing and days when he wanted to leave the premises. I went through multiple harnesses in which he would either chew off or wrap the chain around the porch, tree or even lawn mower in order to tighten the chain enough for him to pull out of the harness or collar.

Once free, he was off, much of the time to the housing development just kitty corner of my house where kids, dogs and much nicer houses were located. It was to my benefit that I got him micro chipped and registered with Home Again services early on. Let me tell you that is the best $20 I spend every year.

If someone did not pick him up by the time I got home from work, he would either be innocently lounging on the front porch or would come sprinting up to the house a little after. During those times, it was like he knew he was late. He would be breathing hard from running and scanning the yard for me. Shock collars and fencing did no good at restraining him as well. It was like he was taunting me for thinking I could keep him tied up and he continues to this day to give me that same taunting look.

As he's gotten older, now two, he has mellowed out slightly but instead of acting like a baby, he acts like a teen. He is quite the talker when he wants to be and I feel much of the time, he is arguing with my boyfriend or me when we don't let him have his way or he lets us know he is upset for leaving him alone all day.

Much of his self-entitlement, I believe, is my own fault. I have treated and spoke to him as if he was a "little person" as my boyfriend refers to him as. I have spoiled him, given him unconditional love, and often spoke to him as if he was a person. I often have lectured him on his manners and behavior as well as spoken to him about my worries and joys.

You often hear about dogs acting like their owners and I believe this to be very true in my case. Dallas is loving and intelligent yet independent with very much an attitude.

If Dallas could talk, I am sure he would share the hundreds of embarrassing moments he's witnessed of me, the many things I never let him do and the many things he does just because he can. One of his recent things he likes to do just to do it is drag pieces from the woodpile and spread them throughout the yard. Then when he goes off on his random sprinting around the yard, he makes a point to jump over the pieces of wood.

If my dog could text, these would probably be couple of our conversations.

Conversation 1:

Dog: "Still hungry."

Me: "You've had breakfast."

Dog: "Want more breakfast!"

Me: "You'll get fat."

Dog: "What's 'fat'?"

Me: "It's what happens when you eat too much food."

Dog: "Fat sounds awesome! Let's get fat."

Conversation 2:

Dog: "Awesome morning. I wrapped myself in toilet paper. I'm a mummy! Haha."

Me: "Stop wasting toilet paper."

Dog: "I'm using it to fuel my imagination. You use it to wipe your butt. Which of us is 'wasting' toilet paper? CHECK. MATE."

Conversation 3:

Dog: "Fun day. I ran around the house in a cape. I'm BATDOG!"

Me: "Where did you get the cape?"

Dog: "I think role playing helps alleviate my boredom. I feel so alive."

Me: "Where did you get the cape!"

Dog: "I pulled the curtain rail down. Why can't you just be happy for me?"

Conversation 4:

Dog: "Are you in the supermarket?"

Me: "Yes."

Dog: "There's a woman waiting for you outside. She's going to kick your butt."

Me: "What? Why?"

Dog: "Because you left me in the car with the windows shut. SHE LOVES DOGS."

Me: "I left a window down."

Dog: "I know. I closed it, then laid down like I was dying. Haha."



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